10. Remy Lacroix.
Yes, she’s a pornstar, but, according to Twitter she also loves dogs, hula-hoops and, you guessed it, smoking weed. Now, you may argue this is clever branding to appeal to her “girl-next-door-who-happens-to-be-incredibly-promiscuous” vibe, or that she needs to smoke weed as a way to escape her intrusive and advantage-taking industry, but I am not so cynical. I think Remy just loves the chronic. Funnily enough, she’s also on our top ten list of luscious ladies who love the butt, or have a butt, or something.
9. Susan Sarandon.
Apparently, Susan claims that she goes to all award shows high (except the Oscars, because people might actually see that, maybe). Is she a luscious lady? Of course she is. I’m the article and I decide. Apparently, Susie’s into some other recreationals as well, including those magical fungi.
8. Lily Allen.
Lily’s green thumb is well-documented, and she’s not known for hiding joints from the cameras. Lily Allen also sounds like a great name for a bong, if anyone’s in the market. Let’s not forget that this singer hails from a land across the sea (England) and that she sports a fun and engaging English accent, made all the more sweetened by years and years of marijuana coughing.
It’s surprisingly tricky to confirm which celebrities have and have not smoked a lot of weed. You might even have an existential crisis when you wonder if you’re contributing thoughtless content to an already thoughtless web. I guess an activity that is still illegal in most of the world is not something everyone wants to flaunt, unless, say, it’s a significant part of their career. One would almost say it’s none of our business—almost. But then again they made it our business by being famous and hot, right? So, in the spirit of getting this list to ten, yes, Rihanna smokes weed quite a bit, I guess.
6. Maya Angelou.
You were expecting a jerk-off list, weren’t you? Well, tough titties, you’re getting Maya Angelou. There’s plenty of traditional spanking material on this list as it is, and besides, you probably should be wanking it to Maya Angelou anyway. Maybe if everyone wanked it to Maya Angelou the world would be a better place. The first person on this list was a pornstar, what more do you want from me? Okay, okay, okay, so luscious does seem to imply “sexy,” but maybe this article operates under a very broad, non-traditional view of sexy. You’re the one who should be expanding your mind, not complaining to people that their lists aren’t sexy enough. Also, I bet this is the first list in existence that’s had both Remy Lacroix and Maya Angelou on it, so smoke on that. Progress.
5. Ellen Page.
Ellen Page has not just played a pregnant teenager, she has also smoked a bunch of weed and advocates for its legalization. Of course, she’s also Canadian, so, at the time this article is written, she doesn’t really have to fight for legalization anymore, but still, we’ll never forget our soldiers on the front lines. Also, she’s cute as a button.
4. Natalie Portman.
Getting close to ten. This is achievable. Natalie Portman’s quite attractive, so that’s probably more in line with what’s expected of this list.
3. Winona Ryder.
I can’t really back this up, but I assume Winona-Ryder-who-married-Johnny-Depp has smoked weed and probably still does. She’s got that “look”. On the other hand, she definitely loves cigarettes, if you’re into that, and want to seek validation that celebrities share your vices, and aren’t into super-exclusive superstar vices that we don’t even know the names of.
2. Rosario Dawson.
Rosario Dawson! Rosario Dawson!
1. Whoopi Goldberg.
I told you this list was full of spank material. Now stare deep into those Whoopi eyes. Deep into those stoned, stoned, bloodshot Whoopi eyes.